Dear Abby: Mom dumps her problems on teen
Dear Abby Ever since I was a child my mom has regarded me as wise thoughtful and intelligent She has confided about family issues tensions at church and cheating at her workplace Abby I don t want to be her confidant Am I doomed to invariably hear her never-ending problems She creates them herself by jumping to conclusions and suspecting everyone has ill intentions While I understand this is to protect herself it s exhausting to listen to and to advise when I know nothing will change The worst part is that I can t confide in her She doesn t understand my perspective I don t think she even tries Our relationship is one-sided Sometimes I feel like I m HER mom She talks to no one else like this and refuses to go to therapy I m a senior in high school and plan to go to college I don t want to leave her like this How can I help her Captive Confidant in Iowa Dear Captive Confidant The best chance you have of helping your emotionally dependent mother would be to start by helping YOURSELF Begin making plans about where you will go to college creating plenty of physical space between you and Mom The next time she starts confiding which from what you have written seems more like gossiping tell her you don t have time to listen and that she should discuss it with a contemporary who has more life experience than you It s the truth She won t like hearing it and may try to make you feel guilty but don t fall for it Keep repeating to your mother that her problems are more than you can handle and that talking to you about them hasn t helped her which is why you want her to talk with a licensed mental strength professional That my girl would be the best way to help your mother Dear Abby I have a disagreement with my fiancee Fran has been a widow for nearly six years I have been divorced for years from a woman who gave me two sons Fran also has a son and a daughter who live nearby We have been dating for four years She has her own place and I have mine but we live less than two miles apart Our disagreement is about two portraits of her late husband she has hanging in her home in plain sight for everyone who comes into the house to see I have questioned her to remove them but she refuses In order to see her reaction I put my wedding photos with my ex-wife on display When Fran saw them she hit the roof and demanded that I take them down I communicated her no since she refuses to give her son and daughter her portraits Can you provide us with any advice Picturing a Obstacle in Florida Dear Picturing Grow up Fran s husband is dead gone and not a threat to your relationship with her He is however part of her history and if you can t accept that it s time to deal with your insecurities Retaliating by hanging pictures from a marriage that didn t make it to the finish line years ago was petty If gazing at those wedding photos indeed brings you gratification keep them on display but that s not really why you did it is it Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA
