Harriette Cole: My twins are getting snappish over college acceptance

DEAR HARRIETTE I m a mother of twin daughters who are graduating from high school this year and preparing to head off to college Related Articles Harriette Cole My neighbor didn t do a thing when his dog charged at me Harriette Cole One of my bridesmaids didn t show up for the wedding Harriette Cole Why would you take the side of the food police Harriette Cole The parents didn t tell me about the scary episode at the sleepover Harriette Cole I m feeling uneasy about what I did to help my friend They both dreamed of going to the University of Notre Dame and they worked hard throughout high school to make it happen When the acceptance letters came in one of them made it The other unfortunately did not She was devastated We encouraged her to enroll in a local population college with the plan to transfer to Notre Dame in a year or two if things go well She agreed to this but ever since the decisions came out there s been a lot of tension in our home The daughter who got in is trying not to make a big deal out of it but she s obviously excited and proud The one who didn t get in feels left behind and I can tell she s battling feelings of rejection jealousy and low self-worth They ve been snapping at each other more often and keeping their distance How can I endorsement them both in this arduous transition without adding more pressure or making one feel smaller than the other Twin Blues DEAR TWIN BLUES Did your daughter apply to any other schools Colleges are so competitive that it is wise to cast a wide net so that you have choices If she has any other acceptance offers encourage her to focus on those If not neighborhood college for sure but not necessarily with her only goal being a transfer to Notre Dame What is she interested in What schools specialize in those passions This may be a pivotal moment for both of them to gain selected independence from each other Yes it will be hard at first but not going to the same school may turn out to be exactly what they need Meanwhile encourage your daughter to think about her future and plot out a plan Now is the time to take charge of her life DEAR HARRIETTE I think my husband has decided to convert to a new religion He hasn t come out and stated it officially but I see particular of the books he s reading certain things he s cut out of his diet and holidays he no longer celebrates We ve been married for about three years and we ve constantly been religious people but for as long as we ve known each other we had practiced the same faith and shared the same beliefs Before we got married we discussed and agreed on what things we would teach our children and what things we would allow them to figure out on their own Now that he s converting I am worried about our son and what that means for him I think my husband has the same concern and that is what has been keeping him from telling me explicitly about his new faith What should I do Family Faith DEAR FAMILY FAITH I can see that you are afraid but now is the time to speak up Related Articles Miss Manners I m embarrassed to be seen with the lollipop snatcher Dear Abby She won t dye her hair for her husband When did women get so touchy Jill On Money Can Trump fire Powell Asking Eric I ve tried to please the vegans but these burgers were the last straw Harriette Cole My neighbor didn t do a thing when his dog charged at me Tell your husband that you have noticed different patterns in his practices and faith Ask him what is going on and whether he is considering converting to a religion that is different from what the two of you practiced together Be genuinely curious this will allow him to open up with less trepidation If it is true you will have to figure out how to stay with him when he s actively pursuing another way of engaging the world Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO